• by George Simpson , Featured Contributor, October 23, 2014

In a largely self-congratulatory rant, a Unilever VP for PR (well, from his exalted and extended title he might have been a Great Supreme Kingfish of The Mystic Knights of the Sea, for all I know) wrote: "Brands in this environment must be agents to re-establish a connection with the public based on a renewed mutually engaged relationship of trust. To do this, brands must be relevant, unique, authentic, transparent and engaging. More than all of this, brands must be purposeful."

While you might have found the same ethereal notions on pages that fell out of the backpack of someone taking high school Marketing 101, I am here to offer something a little more concrete that brands should do if they want to "re-establish a connection with the public."

Don't Let Your Hype Write a Check Your Product Can't Cash:  Explaining how studio artists dress up food before the product shots is not the same thing as SERVING a product that in some way resembles the picture. Customers should follow the example of the guy who keeps taking it back and saying "It doesn't look like the pictures. Try again."

Don't Let the Barbarians Man the Gates: The single weakest link in the retail chain is the sales guy on the floor of the retailer who sells your product. I generally know more than he does about how products are supposed to work -- and having him recite copy off the shelf hanger tag is, well, just pathetic. Don't count on stores -- who are fighting off ecommerce just to stay open -- to train those puppies. Send in your own people and teach the floor walkers how to make a sale (or at least answer a question intelligently).

Be a Safety Net for the Retailers: When I have a product problem and the retailer can't or doesn't help (which is pretty often), and I come directly to you for help, don't tell me that this guy isn't an "authorized dealer" or other similar bullshit. Fix the problem. It is your brand. I have already sworn not to walk into that store ever again. Want me to swear off your brand? Hello, social media.

One Story Does Not a Tome Make: Okay, someone in the PR department came up with a really cool idea that went viral, like the airline that gave out Xmas gifts. Here’s what's wrong with that: 1) It didn't happen to me (and probably won't), so who cares? 2) I don't want an iPad from my airline, I want more legroom. 3) Until you stop thinking of new ways to "tax" my trip with extra charges and start getting your flights out on time, all the "really cool" promotions in the world won't help. Focus on improving my experience instead of viral ideas.

Kill the Scripts: When you wade through six or eight phone keypad "choices" and you finally get a "help desk" agent on the line, you are already pretty pissed off. Hearing them read copy off a stilted script like "I am sorry you are having that problem, I will try my best to help you resolve it" is like throwing gasoline on a fire. By the way, giving them Western names like "Susie" doesn't disguise the fact they are sitting in Jaipur and struggle with getting to the point, which is “FIX IT."

Own It: You know you have inferior products. That’s how you can undercut other manufacturers on Amazon. I get that. But don't act holier-than-thou when we call to ask you to replace something that broke in 20 minutes instead of the year or two you said in your Web copy. Better yet, take it back and give us a full refund. That at least will buy you a little good will.

Stay with the Formula that Got You Here: There’s a reason I buy your product year after year: It does what I ask it to do every time. Don't get cute and tinker with the formula in order to "get younger buyers" or whatever. All it takes is one off-formula experience for me to try a new brand. Happened to me with granola, with shaving cream, and most memorably with Coke.

So be "relevant, unique, authentic, transparent and engaging" all you want. Just deliver on your brand promises, and if they fall short, back it up with action -- and you will do just fine.