MediaPost | Garfield at Large

On Ballpoint Pen Day, Let Us Take A Moment To Reflect

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 08:07:03 -0400

The time has come to pay the piper. It is Celibacy, Migraine, Aphasia, Accordion and Potty Training Awareness Month. (Separately, not together.) It is also both Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome Awareness Month and Cataract Awareness Month. If you are a celibate transgender accordionist with cataracts, this, my friend, is your time. Now, you might ask, with all this awareness to be aware of, where to find the mind space for everything?

1. Blame The (Social) Media. 2. Fail.

Mon, 03 Jun 2013 07:20:03 -0400

Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Prime Minister of Turkey, has transformed Istanbul with office buildings, shopping malls and mega-mosques. His plans for Taksim Square -- which required the clear-cutting of protected green space -- sparked protest, and now Erdogan is facing not only civil unrest but criticism from every sector of society. So what did Erdogan do? He dismissed the protesters as mere looters and blamed the media. The social media.

The Carrot And The Stick And The Chicken And The Egg

Wed, 29 May 2013 07:48:00 -0400

Carrotmob.org, a movement of do-gooders who have genetically modified the consumer boycott with some Groupon DNA, has created consumer "buycotts." Companies are encouraged to change their practices not with a stick -- the threat of a boycott -- but with a carrot, the promise of new customers. This eliminates the boycott's extortionistic character and replaces it with positive incentive for change.

Yo, Abercrombie - Here's The Skinny: You Are Totally Fitched

Mon, 20 May 2013 07:30:00 -0400

Last week, Abercrombie & Fitch was pilloried in social media -- and mainstream media -- for obnoxious, self-indicting remarks made by its chairman Mike Jeffries... in 2006. Jeffries has long styled himself a provocateur. So it's no surprise that he's in the middle of a controversy. What's notable is that his arrogance and condescension are catching up to him on a 7-year time delay.

Inspiration At Work

Mon, 13 May 2013 07:00:00 -0400

I'm seeing GE in a different, flattering, energy-saving compact fluorescent light -- owing entirely to Focus Forward, a mesmerizing collection of mini-documentary films highlighting -- in GE's words -- "exceptional people and world-changing ideas that have impacted the course of human development ... or with great potential to significantly affect how we live in the next generation." I'm grateful to GE for identifying our common interests and establishing common ground.

There Is No Place To Hide

Mon, 06 May 2013 08:17:00 -0400

Enforced transparency and social media have not only taken every institution from its fortress and relocated it to a glass house -- the whole world is standing outside that house, gaping in. This is a really good time in history for business to behave itself. That means being good to those who depend on you. Customers, employees, neighbors, suppliers, shareholders, the trade -- everybody, everywhere.

Speak Not Of Love. In Fact, Just Shut Up

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 07:00:02 -0400

In an unexpected display of breathtaking courage, Johnson & Johnson has launched an advertising campaign heroically endorsing love -- hoping to rekindle our love affair with a decreasingly lovable brand. In the past three years, the company has been fined more than $1 billion, settled multiple regulatory actions and has faced huge lawsuits for a staggering series of failures.

Cable News - What A Blunderful World

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 07:30:02 -0400

There are many explanations for this world of blunder. One is the idiotic value placed on being first with a shard of previously unreported information, no matter how dubious. Another is physics; in the vacuum of understanding that afflicts live coverage after breaking news, anything that fills the gaping void looks irresistible. The final reason is the most counterintuitive: the news channels have little capacity for actual journalism.

What Goes Around Comes Around. Then It Kills You

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 07:52:02 -0400

A la carte digitally delivered TV is a non-starter. Except that it's now here. Cord-cutters can now have access to almost everything cable offers at much lower cost.

Arrogance By Proxy: One Media Elite Plays Embarrassingly To Type

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 08:10:02 -0400

You can't please everybody, nor should you try. But you can't ignore everybody, either. You do not exist without them. And is there any stakeholder relationship more elemental than a theater and its audience?

They Wanna Play In The Big Leagues, But They Don't Have The Control

Mon, 25 Mar 2013 09:12:02 -0400

In honor of the new baseball season, here is another edition of Wild Pitches, the semiannual feature featuring publicists and other corporate communicators who probably have flesh and blood, but nonetheless behave like mindless bots clogging the inboxes of journalists the world over.

The Name's Garfield, And I Was A Grumpy Cat First

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 07:30:00 -0400

The occasion was the launch of 'Can't Buy Me Like,' in which Doug Levy and I outline sweeping changes in commerce that will yield a more open, more humane, more purposeful business world and society at large. The gist is this: four forces are converged to render obsolete the opaque, high-handed practices of commerce we've grown grudgingly accustomed to.

Dear Rance, Are You Being Obtuse On Purpose?

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 07:40:03 -0400

Purpose is not a campaign or a gimmick or PR window dressing. It is not positioning. It does not aim to be differentiating. Purposefulness is an ethic. A worldview. A mentality. And it is not merely the right way for brands -- and all institutions -- to operate in a digitally connected world. It is the only way.

Bypass The Media Filter? Easy. Bypass The Social Media Metafilter? Not So Much.

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 08:00:04 -0500

No matter how righteous your argument -- or no matter how efficacious your brand -- success in the Relationship Era does not accrue to those who broadcast, nor even to those who assiduously narrowcast, a unilateral message. It belongs to those who share.

No Swimsuit Issue, But 'Forbes' Still Has A Buxom Model

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 07:42:00 -0500

I feel obliged to call the world's attention to some news out of 'Forbes' magazine: It's doing well. Very well. That's remarkable for two reasons. The magazine industry in general is circling the drain -- and I was sure 'Forbes' would fail. ' Forbes' magazine itself -- that thing they print on paper -- seems to be seeing growth both in ad pages and newsstand sales. That's a fact that rocks my world, as miracles are wont to do.

Scientology Commercial: The Creative Director's Cut

Mon, 18 Feb 2013 07:00:00 -0500

You're young, you're old, you're powerful beyond measure, and you have a lot of cash -- and the fuel of that power is not magic or mysticism but knowledge: the things you see, the things you feel, the things you know to be true.

The Miracle Machine That Keeps A Dying Magazine Alive

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 07:00:03 -0500

'Smithsonian' is a good magazine. The ads are kind of fascinating too. But for a back page, the issue is financed wholly by direct-response advertisers and a mess of house ads for various Smithsonian enterprises. That's a function of two factors: The overall media economy and demographics. The question becomes, then: what price survival?

The Only Super Bowl Ad That Bothers To Sell?

Mon, 04 Feb 2013 02:06:00 -0500

If Super Bowl XLVII demonstrated anything, it is the dire need for signal-flag-wavers. In the creative bunker, where agency and client huff one another's fumes, judgment is obviously being distorted on a grand scale. This evening's output wasn't even ordinary. It was extraordinarily poor.

Open Unhappiness

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 07:30:00 -0500

It is embarrassing, and a bit perplexing -- and admittedly a bit satisfying -- to watch the Coca-Cola Co. twist in the wind. Phony declarations of "bringing people together" will be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but that will come in the form of a mob. P.R. palaver won't generate sympathy. Honesty will. The time has come for radical truth.

The Truthiness Is Out There

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 08:41:00 -0500

Lance Armstrong appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Network to explain 20 years of cheating, lying and cruel personal destruction of his truthful critics. Although he apologized for his conduct, he left the distinct impression that he was sorry mainly for getting caught. And his claim that he did not force his teammates into doping, among other continued denials, sounds like a crock.

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy - I Have Antibiotics In My Tummy

Mon, 14 Jan 2013 08:00:00 -0500

Yum Brands Inc., a company that for decades has been serially dishonest with its customers about the relative healthfulness of its products, is now under suspicion of pulling a fast one on China. According to "The Wall Street Journal," in 2010 and 2011, Yum submitted chicken samples to government testing agencies that contained unlawful levels of antibiotics. The question is whether the company then took corrective action, or covered its tracks and continued to purchase chicken from the two poultry suppliers where the samples originated.

Messaging The Shooter

Mon, 07 Jan 2013 07:25:03 -0500

The media are awash in gratuitous violence -- just as they were in the 1930s, 1940s, 1950s and 1960s. Countless dime novels, broadcasts, comic books and movies titillated audiences with gunplay and body counts -- resulting somehow in vanishingly few actual mass shootings of actual flesh-and-blood Americans. And why? Because guns were harder to come by.

2013: The Year In Review, In Advance

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 08:35:00 -0500

As the page turns on another year, by federal law we unelected media elites are obliged to say our annual sooth. Not only are we the last word on analyzing what has happened til now, we and we alone are qualified to predict the future. And why? Because we are paid by the word. Every single word. Every, every single word. But do not underestimate us. The oracle racket is no simple matter. It requires boldness, insight and the courage to risk being made a fool of by actual events. For instance, last year I predicted "economic woes for southern Europe...

Suffer In Silence

Mon, 17 Dec 2012 07:00:00 -0500

From Oklahoma City to 9/11, from Katrina to Kosovo, certain marketers pushed themselves into public view. Perhaps these companies, and the people within them, just wish to express how deeply sad they are, and happen to have the media budgets to do so. Too often, though, they merely prove how deeply cynical they are, and leverage their media budgets to do a little one-off marketing.

Top 10 Excuses For Disrespecting Management

Mon, 10 Dec 2012 07:00:00 -0500

I've been out of the ad-criticism game for a few years now, but those Top and Bottom 10 year-enders are irresistible, are they not? I have kept ongoing Top and Bottom lists for as far back as I remember. It's a pretty good parlor game and a fantastic way to make a living.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like MySpace

Mon, 03 Dec 2012 07:35:00 -0500

From: Mark Zuckerberg

To: sherylsandberg@fbook.com

Subject: potential benefits of Christmas

Sandster, I saw the data on higher click-thrus 4th quarter. Kind of took me by surprise. The users seem to be paying 30% more attention at the holidays. What gives? Opportunity here? -

Perhaps 'Hot NFL Wives Lose Weight Singing?'

Mon, 26 Nov 2012 08:01:00 -0500

The Big 4 are failing because, as has been obvious for almost a decade, they must fail. Fragmentation and ad avoidance have killed their business model. The question, therefore, should not be how the Big 4 can cure what ails them. They cannot cure what ails them. The only relevant set of questions concerns what will succeed the Big 4.

'Look! We're Tweetering In!'

Tue, 20 Nov 2012 07:15:04 -0500

We have some hot new technologies here, and we should have some sizzling hot leveraging going on 24-7. It's a team effort, but the purpose of this communication is to "prime the pump." So here are some "conversation starters" from the 31st floor.

Advertising Loses In A Mudslide

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 08:00:06 -0500

The presidential election was an electoral drubbing for the Romney campaign, a repudiation for the Republican Party, a humiliation for Karl Rove and his American Crossroads superPACS and a lethal blow to the notion of advertising persuasion. What the GOP proved, and what all marketers must at long last internalize, is that you can't advertise yourself out of a bad relationship.

For Immediate Release: The Most Exciting News Ever!

Mon, 05 Nov 2012 07:20:00 -0500

I hope this note finds you well. As you know, Tooboozoob has just received a first-round investment from Prodigal Group Venture Partners for its cutting-edge networking platform that dynamically merges demand-side data optimization with FGB inputs for maximum transparency and scalability.